Iced Cheese

Ingredients:

• grated cheese
• turkish delight ice cream

Method:

Grab a spoon. Scoop a spoonful of ice cream and sprinkle some grated cheese on top. Then devour the spooncoction in one go.

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This is an interesting combo I thought was going to make me a million dollars. Imagine buying an ice cream at the petrol station with yummy ice cream dotted with grated cheese!! Unfortunately I heard souls celebrating in Hell when I ate my double dairy disaster. I can’t recommend you try this one at home.

-3.5 mmmm’s out of +5 mmmm’s

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Fruity meat

Ingredients:

• A cabanossi stick
• A segment of orange

Method:

Take a bite of the cabanossi. Take a bite of orange. Chew together; then swallow (if you can manage it).

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This discovery is for the good of mankind for centuries to come.

I stumbled across this one night after boozin’ on for hours at a gig. I got home and realised there wasn’t much to eat … so I drunkenly chopped up an orange. In the process of getting home, I’d woken my housemate who got out of bed to greet me … she went to the fridge and pulled out some cabanossi for a midnight snack. After some brief conversation I stole a bite of her cabanossi while she wasn’t looking; then I hastily took a large bite of an orange segment.

What followed was … unspeakable. My housemate, realising what I had done, began laughing – not realising the extent of psychological damage I was causing myself. I stared off in the distance and kept chewing. My face contorted and tears began rolling down my cheeks. I had begun crying. Not from laughing, or from pain … but from sheer psychological distress. My brain felt that crying would be the best way to deal with such a bizarre flavour overload.

This near-lethal combination of meat and fruit could be served at a child’s party. Especially if you have an intense dislike for the child in question. I also hear that this ’snack’ has been served to detainees at Guantanamo Bay detention camp as a means of interrogation.

5 ‘eeeyuks’ out of 5 ‘eeeyuks’

[Warning: Attempting to eat this may cause irreversible psychological damage.]

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